I grew up feeling like I did not belong in the town I was in. So naturally, I decided to find a place where I would.
This led me to … the hood. There were black and brown people around me. Less judgement. Less pressure. I was testing the waters and liking it.
Throughout this time I felt more accepted. I was having a lot of fun actually living a tiny bit of this double life. But it came at a cost. I put myself in extremely reckless and dangerous situations. I got into predicaments I had never imagined. I once even had my life threatened being in a place I had no business being. It seemed worth it then though. At least it was a place where I didn’t have to try to be anyone else.
It’s truly just the grace of God that I never got into grave circumstances and was able to rest my head on my pillow each night. There are many people I am glad I met and shared life with.
I look back now and am thankful for the lessons that I learned from various events back then. I am even more thankful that I realized that I didn’t have to keep testing waters.
If I felt solid within myself – I would not need to find belonging elsewhere. I would not have to conform to any way of life if I found comfort in my own.
Have you ever felt like you needed to test waters? How was that experience for you? What lessons have you learned? Please feel free to share your experience in the comments!
