Let’s get into the conversation of the ever loved, ever hated RELAXER.

I don’t necessarily remember begging my mother for a relaxer… but I am 100% sure I BEGGED my mother for a relaxer.

I have 4C hair growing out of my head but it was never something I wanted to be seen. In the summer – I had braids. Every other season, you could find me at the hair salon biweekly burning my scalp.

If you don’t know why a relaxer was the thing to have – it’s because straight hair was the only hair that you wouldn’t get made fun of for… so I thought. My relaxer had me all the way stressed out for a few reasons.

  1. My hair DID NOT GROW. The picture above is from high school but I promise you my hair was a bob for the entirety of my time with a relaxer. I remember my classmate once asked me “Why is your hair always the same length?” Bloop. I had to think quickly… “I cut it every two weeks!” That was one of my lies that I kept up. Yeah I got a little trim at the salon. But that hair was not growing for nada anyways. I used to look in the mirror every day and beg my hair to grow; without realizing that I was killing it.
  2. I could not do anything with my hair! If I went swimming, I came out with this weird chemically smell from the relaxer. I couldn’t do many styles because my hair had little texture and wouldn’t hold. It was short so my ponytails always looked janky but that was my only option once it was nearing my appointment time and my hair was getting stiff. I wish I had realized all of the restrictions that the relaxer gave me.

I could go on and on about the struggles of my relaxer. But I truly want to say – PLEASE LEARN TO APPRECIATE YOUR HAIR.

It wasn’t until the end of my time in college that I finally grew my hair out and I could not be more thankful. I know it may seem like you need to relax, straighten, blow out, etc. your hair to be accepted. But peep this.. you will never be accepted when you don’t accept yourself!

I’ll be getting into natural hair and protective styles soon because this hair? MAGIC.

I wish I knew

  • A relaxer will not bring me peace or acceptance.
  • Straight hair is not the only type of hair.
  • There is no “good hair” or “bad hair”.
  • Changing any aspect of myself to fit in isn’t worth it.
  • Hair is an everlasting theme in Black girls’/women’s lives… Although hair is just hair – it’s a part of ME that I must accept and love

What has your hair journey looked like? Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments on our Instagram page @findyourblackgirlmagic !