To keep it really real – I spent many years heartless. I had internalized the hurt from not feeling good enough, seeing myself as ugly and internally isolated. This led me to become a person who was genuinely mean… and I didn’t feel bad about it at all.
Honestly, I was born a little unfriendly. My mom loves telling the story at how I never used to smile at anyone besides my father. I was one of those babies who just stared and made you feel silly for trying to be entertaining.
I put this off-putting nature into OVERDRIVE throughout my preteen-teen years. I took my personal hurt and put it onto others. I took the frustrations I had within me and turned them into quarrels with those around me.
Instead of ever dealing with the negativity I was bottling up – I released it to whoever I felt deserved it in the moment. There are many moments that I am not proud of. I have had to literally approach people and apologize to them for my past behaviors (multiple times).
It took me a lot longer than I would have wanted but eventually I realized that I do not want to be that person. The one who just continues the cycle of being hurt and hurting others. You know – hurt people, hurt people.
Now, I’m still not an overly friendly person (and I can accept that). I continue to actively work to soften my heart. I do this through introspection, through prayer, through meaningful relationships… through whatever I need to do each day.
I encourage you to work hard to not let your heart turn cold. If it’s already hardened – start to do the work to soften it. It’s worth it.
I WISH I KNEW
- It takes so much more strength to deal with my pain and grow from it than to let it consume me.
- Projecting my pain onto others only creates a cycle.
- I can take my power back by choosing to remain open… despite experiences that shut me down.
Have you ever felt that you had a cold heart from life experience? What did/do you do to soften it? Do you ever feel like it’s easier not to? Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments!
